Friday, 28 October 2016

Elevated to Low Post on the Totem Pole

In all the excitement of D1coming home and learning how to do the basics of being a parent, and I do mean the basics:

sterilising bottles,
changing nappies,
putting the baby jump suit on in less than an hour
learning what all the different coo's, ooh's, ahhs, slurps, slips and grumbles mean,
and the ability to grab deep sleep in 15 minute slots,

I completely failed to notice my new place of importance in the newly extended family.

At least I had the benefit of learning all this without having had my body giving birth to a new person and recovering from all that entailed.  We were so busy in those early days, weeks and months, you didn't have time nor interest in anything else.

And yet slowly it dawned my place in this now extended family had changed.  I imagine any man could tell you of the confidence you gain from being the recipient of the love from a strong, powerful, intelligent, beautiful and matter or fact women, such as my Wife.  I felt exalted in it, emboldened by it, softened in its strength.  Somehow it made me feel more of a man, I was clearly elevated by it. I had become important to her as she was to me.

We had both wanted children in our future and when that time came it was all wrong, at least financially, we decided to become a Mum and Dad anyway.  The day to day reality became our world, however over time I realised that all focus and attention was on D1 (this was to increase when Big Red came along).  I had been subtlety moved from centre stage to a low post on the totem pole.  No longer the sole focus of my wife's love and attention.

My role was of support, for both her and the children, emotionally, actually with stuff of being a parent, and financially.  It was like I had become a part of the foundation of our family, where as before I felt more central.  At first it was difficult to understand how and why this had happened.

Only when I realised it was not a lessening of position, but an elevation to a foundational supporting role did I understand and stopped pining for being back on Centre Stage.

Until next time.


Monday, 24 October 2016

The Fourth Day!

D1 was the first child born on Fathers Day in the year she was born, and despite all the preparation we had done waiting for D1's arrival, like choosing the Pram (Peg Perego won the day), the Crib, the clothes, the bottles, the What to Expect When Your Expecting Book, the Baby Love Book, the Pre Natal Classes and etc etc etc, I was not truly prepared for the fourth day.

The fourth day was the day D1 and Mum came home from the hospital.

I turned up with the baby bag, and the full list of stuff we needed and then it was the final shower, paper work and best wishes from the midwives and out the doors we go.

The three of us!

Walking to the car with the feeling of can you believe that they just let us walk out here with D1, simply just walk out, no one to check on us, no manual on what to do, no nothing.  I looked at my Wife with the incredulous look of I have just gotten away with something I shouldn't have gotten away with!  Thank God my Wife would know exactly what to do and when to do it.  When she admitted the same feeling, the fear and dread took over. Oh My God, they have let us take her home.

It was like D1 was the first child ever and we had to learn it all from scratch.  The love I felt did not go away, but the fear of not knowing what to do was real.  Every gurgle, belch and coo was met with "is she ok".

I survived, my wife survived, most importantly D1 survived and thrived.  When Big Red arrived, he came home on his fourth day as well, much of the fear of the unknown had all but disappeared only to be faced by the fear of the known.

Until next time,


Thursday, 20 October 2016

Being a Dad

A collection of my being a dad experiences, which I write about in a bi monthly Central Coast NSW Australia Family Magazine, titled Kidz on the Coast.  Whilst I do not intend to embarrass my wife or wonderful children, D1 and Big Red, I no doubt have and will.

My life, as most parents would be aware, changed the moment D1 entered the world, I felt a love, unconditional, overtly protective, and full of pride, I had never experienced before.  Life had not prepared me for that complete and utter transformation from "it's all about me, to it's all about them!

An example showing the different status I occupied was, not too many years later, after Big Red had come into the world and had started going to school.  I was enjoying a walk in the late afternoon sun on some random Queensland Saturday, feeling pretty good about me, when a car sped by, and as it did so a little voice yelled out "Hello Big Red's Dad!.

It could not have been a more accurate comment.  My life was not about me, I had been elevated to the role of D1 and Big Red's Dad, and damn proud to be recognised for it too, somehow it made that afternoon Queensland sun just a little bit warmer.

I intend to share the stories on my Being a Dad on this blog, and as it and I grow with it, share links to other positive people, stories, blogs and podcasts.  Please bear with me as I learn how to use this new tool (new for me at least).  I truly am a lucky man and appreciate just how fortunate I am. Being a Dad is the best experience I have had, is the greatest and most important role I play and provides me with the greatest joys of my life, including the fact that I am the greatest source of unintended embarrassment to my children.